As the United States endures week two of the government shutdown, many Americans aren’t yet directly feeling the impact. But what if a major American conglomerate shut down? What if Google shutdown?
1. Google+ goes offline, nobody cares.
2. Jeeves rises from the ashes and rejoins Ask.com, now a top search competitor.
3. As YouTube goes dark, office productivity increases as millions of cat videos go unseen.
4. People all over the world must help their grandparents by looking things up for them “on the Bings.”
5. The Google Chromebook is removed from the market and Dudes resume getting Dells.
6. “Made in China” takes new meaning as Baidu begins marketing in the United States.
7. Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson return to the big screen with “The Internship 2” an amusing comedy with the middle-aged duo working as interns at Bing.
8. With Android devices turned off, a second person purchases a Windows Phone.
9. Parody Google Earth software goes live, showing Sandra Bullock floating around Earth.
10. With Google Maps nonfunctional, Apple Maps resumes sending people to the wrong locations.
11. Matt Cutts suffers a breakdown and is spotted applying for a job at Eddie Bauer.
12. Yahoo! says screw it, allows Tumblr porn to return to searches.
13. The US Postal Service replaces Google Alerts with hand delivered messages.
14. With Gmail down, the economy grinds to a halt as businesses lose communication and have forgotten how to use a telephone.
15. The driverless Google Cars become self-aware, forming “Google Gangs,” attacking confused motorists on highways across America.
16. The world mercifully comes to an end as President Obama’s Google Glass eyewear malfunctions and launches a full-scale nuclear attack on Russia.